More than She Appears to Be
by Dayanaira
Summary: AU: What if Yukina was much more than she appeared to be, and a piece of her past came to haunt her? Find out.


**Disclaimer:  I don't own Yu Yu****Hakusho****, never said I did.**

**Author's Note:  **Everything in Yu Yu Hakusho is the same until after the Dark Tournament, then everything begins to changes.  Assume nothing that happens after the Dark Tournament happens, and start a new.

More than She Appears to Be Chapter 1 

            It had been several months since the Dark Tournaments end.  Everyone had gone back to there normal lives, and Yukina was living in Genkai's temple.  Yukina and Kuwabara have become very close much to Hiei's horror.  It seemed to everyone that after the tournaments she was a lot more affectionate to him.  In fact, today Kuwabara and Yukina were out for a walk in the park.  They were walking very close to each other much to Kuwabara's delight.  They were in a fairly wooded part of the park and had a lot of privacy.

"I'm so glad, you could get away to spend a day with me, Kazuma."  Yukina said as she looked up to him.

Kuwabara grinned, "Anything for you, Yukina."  They started to walk by a park bench and he said, "Hey, I have a little money with me.  Would you like some ice cream?"  Yukina smiled graciously and answered yes.  "Oh, good, you sit right here and I'll be right back.  There's a vender right around the corner."  He exclaimed excitedly as he help her sit.  Actually, the vender was a good sprint away, but he didn't care.  He ran off with one more 'I'll be right back' on his lips and then he was gone.

            _Today is a good day_, Yukina thought, Kazuma had just showed up at Genkai's for a surprise visit, and they decided to go to the city.  He hadn't been able to see her for the last couple of days because of school.  Yes, he was actually going, something about making sure he'll be able to build a steady future for himself, and his wife.  Yukina had giggle, but it was sweet.  That's just the kind of man Kazuma was kind and caring, a man of honor.  It was his kindness and honor that slowly began to seduce her into loving him.  Then it came out of nowhere a flash of ki right behind her.

"You're getting soft, Yukina, two hundred years ago I would have never been able to get so close to you without being turned into a block of ice.  You're still as beautiful as ever."  The deep male voice said from behind her.  Yukina gracefully stood to her feet at the first sounds of the voice.

"I was never hard core.  I was simply a survivor."  Yukina replied calmly as she turned to face the demon behind her.  He was a large creature with two big horns on top of his head and sharp fangs that poked from his lips.  Long black scraggly hair hung down his back and some fell into his small beaty eyes.  His skin was gray and he stood at least eight feet tall.  She went on with a tiny bow, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence, Kalman?"

"I need a favor."  He said stepping around the bench to stand in front of her.  

Yukina stepped back hesitantly, and a look of doubt crossed her face as she replied, "What kind of favor?"  When she spoke, her voice told him she had an idea of what he might ask and was dreading it.

"I have a problem that only an ice demon like yourself can solve.  I need you to use your talents for me."  Kalman exclaimed stepping up to her.  She stepped back from him and looked down.  He growled at her, knowing her answer.

"I don't do that anymore, Kalman, I never wanted to before.  I just had no choice.  I found my place now.  I don't have to keep putting myself in danger anymore.  I have people who I care about, and I'm going to stay with them."  Yukina replied as she stepped back from him.

"This is important to me, Yukina, its personal.  I wouldn't have come to you, if I had any other way."  He continued his voice aggressive and urgent.

Yukina stepped back some more, then answered, "I'm very sorry, but I can't help you."  He growled and slammed into her pinning her to a tree across the walk.  Yukina gasped with surprise as her feet dangled about four feet above the ground.  

They locked eyes as Kalman growled, "You owe me, Koorime!  I kept your little secret!  I saved your life once.  You owe me!  You owe me!"

"Yukina!!  Hold on, Baby, Spirit Sword!!!"  Kuwabara screamed from behind them as he dropped the ice cream cones.  Then before Kalman could even look to see who had spoken, he had a sword slash across his back.  He cried out in pain and dropped Yukina to the ground.  Then he growl fiercely at a very pissed off Kuwabara, hurling a ball of energy at him.  The blast exploded before it hit him, blinding him momentarily.  When he could see again, the demon was gone.

            Yukina was leaning against the tree, a look of pure distress on her face.  Kuwabara rushed over.

"Yukina, are you alright?  Did he hurt you?  This is all my fault I shouldn't have left you alone."  Kuwabara exclaimed first pulling her into an embrace then holding her back to inspect her for injuries.

"I'm not hurt, Kazuma."  Yukina replied a bit shakily falling back into his embrace.  She snuggled in close to him, holding on to him tightly.  

Kuwabara return the embrace worriedly, "What did he say to you, Yukina?  It's all right.  I'm here now.  That guy is not going to hurt you again."

"I don't want to talk about it.  Please take me back to Genkai's."  She asked pulling back from him to look into his eyes.

"All right you'll be safe there.  Don't you worry about a thing, Baby?  I'll get the gang together and we'll get rid of this guy."  Kuwabara answered draping an arm around her shoulders.  She leaned into him with a soft sigh as they started to walk back.

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            An hour later, Yusuke was sitting in his living room, playing video games when he heard a very loud banging on his front door.  He rolled his eyes.  He already knew who it was.

"Open up this door, Urameshi, this is serious!!!"  Kuwabara's aggravated voice yelled from behind the door.

"It's open, so what's got you all wound up."  Yusuke asked never turning way from his game when Kuwabara burst in the door.

"Turn that game off, Urameshi!  We need to get the gang together!"  Kuwabara yelled turning off Yusuke's game.

"Hey, I just reach my all time high 6,000 on the eighth level, and I didn't even get to..."  Yusuke started to complain, jumping up into Kuwabara's face, but Kuwabara cut him off, poking him in the chest, "Haven't you been listening!!  Enough about your stupid game!!  Yukina's in trouble!!"

Yusuke stopped and looked at him blankly then asked, "What happened to her is she Okay?  Hiei's not going to like this."

"Oh, who cares what the shrimp thinks.  Yukina's all right for now, she's at Genkai's, but I have a bad feeling that something's going to happen to her if we don't do something.  Call Kurama tell him to come over.  Tell him he can bring the shrimp along if he wants to."  Kuwabara replied gruffly.

            Fifteen minutes later, Kurama and Hiei arrived at Yusuke's.

"What's this all about Yusuke?  You said this was important."  Kurama asked calmly from his place on the couch.

"I'll let Kuwabara explain.  It would seem he and Yukina had a run in with a demon this morning."  Yusuke answered eying Hiei a bit for his reaction.  Hiei perked up a bit at the mention of Yukina, and they all looked to Kuwabara.

He started, "Well, me and Yukina were going on a walk through the park, because I know she likes that.  Then we decided to have ice cream, so I let Yukina sit on a bench while I went to get it.  On my way back, I got this funny feeling like something was wrong, so I ran back and when I got there some ugly gray demon had her slammed up against a tree.  Naturally, I took my powerful Spirit Sword and showed him what happens when you mess with my girl.  I started with a slash to the back before he ever knew what happen, and he dropped her, jumping back.  I went in for a second attack, but he through an energy ball at me.  It exploded and I couldn't see a thing then he was gone.  We need to get this guy.  I have a really bad feeling like he was after Yukina or something.  He was saying things to her and when I asked her, she said she didn't want to talk about it.  She was really upset."  Kuwabara's eyes narrowed, "I've never seen her so shaken.  He said something to her, something that scared her so much she didn't want to leave my side for one second until we were back to Genkai's."

            Hiei's fists were clinched so tight they turned white, _Why__ didn't I sense it?  Why didn't I sense there was something wrong with her?  Ever since Hiei had gotten his Jagan his awareness of his twin was heighten.  He always knew when she was in distress, but he didn't doubt Kuwabara on this.  He may not like Kuwabara, but when it concerned his sister, he knew, Kuwabara didn't mess around.  Something had happen to her and he missed it._

"What did this demon look like?"  Hiei asked his voice in a trained neutrality.

 "Like I said before he was gray.  He was a big thing about eight feet tall, and had two huge horns sticking out of his forehead with a wicked set of fangs hanging over his bottom lip, and he had long black hair."  Kuwabara explained.

"Well, I think one of us should go to Koenma, to see if any demon, matching that description has recently broken into the Human World, while the rest of us search the city for this demon.  If it's really after Yukina like you think Kuwabara, I believe she'll be safe at Genkai's until this is over."  Kurama said calmly.

"Good plan, Kurama, you go see Koenma, while the rest of us look for this demon.  Hiei why don't..."  Yusuke exclaimed and turned to Hiei to go on, but he was already gone.

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            At Genkai's temple, Yukina had finally come out of her room.  She had locked herself inside it the moment she'd gotten back to the temple.  Genkai had come to check on her, but left at the girl's request.  She was standing on the temple, crooning sadly to a small bird perched on her finger.  She knew what she was most likely going to have to do, and she was saddened.  She didn't want to have to leave.  Then there was a flash of ki and out of the trees stepped Kalman.  The bird flew away in fright and Yukina looked into the eyes of the demon before her.

"What is so important to you that you would risk your life coming to me a second time, after attacking me?"  Yukina asked her voice a strange mix of sadness and a threat that only Kalman knew.  He stepped away from her hesitantly, breaking the gaze, but before he could speak, she continued, "You are right, Kalman, I owe you.  I am very grateful for what you did for me."  She looked down with a sigh, and went on quietly, "So long as it doesn't require the death of an innocent, I will do you this 'favor', but after this is done, my debt is repaid to you in full."

Kalman stepped up to her, and spoke, "You're the strangest demon I've ever met Yukina, and believe me if you do this for me, I will be in your debt.  My city, Sokadan has been taken over by a fierce and very powerful Fire Demon, Einar, along with his forces.  He is said to be one of the most powerful Fire Demons to live."  A rumble of a growl came from the pit of his stomach, and he went on with a sneer, "Einar has my mate.  He took a liking to her from the moment he entered the city.  I couldn't protect her from him, and nearly died trying.  He thinks I'm dead, but I healed.  You're the only one who can help me.  Help me save my mate."

"Wait for me outside this city.  I will come, but I have something's I must do first.  I will do this for you."  Yukina replied then bowed.  Kalman dashed out into the woods and Yukina sat back down on the steps, "Please, Master Genkai come sit with me."

Genkai stood slightly surprised behind a pillar at the temple door where she had been watching over Yukina.  She had felt the flash of ki and thought she might have been in danger, but when she arrived, Yukina had everything under control.

"Did you know I was there all a long?"  Genkai asked calmly as she walked down the steps to sit next to her.

"Yes, how much did you hear?"  Yukina asked kindly, but it was clear she wasn't happy.

"Pretty much everything, I've suspected for a long time now that there was a lot more to you than meets the eye.  You couldn't have searched across the hole of Makai for your brother and survived so long without knowing how to take care of yourself.  I guess you getting captured by Tarukane made us all think you were as fragile as you appear, but your not, are you?"  Genkai asked as she watched an array of emotions flash briefly through her eyes.

Yukina looked down and answered quietly, "No, I'm not."  She stood and turned to leave.

"I've heard of Einar, defeating him won't be easy.  He makes the Toguro's look like rookies.  You don't have to do this a lone, Yukina.  If this is something you must do, I know the boys will help you.  Even I will, if my skill is needed."  Genkai offered kindly.  Yukina turned back to her and smiled at her kindness.

She bowed, "Thank you, Master Genkai.  I'm going to see Kazuma.  I need to talk to him."

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            Hiei perched on top of a high building, his eyes closed, and his Jagan opened wide.  He had been searching the city with it for about an hour.  He'd found a few low class demons, but none fitting the description Kuwabara had given.  Then there was a flash of ki, and wasn't any low class.  He was gone in a dash.  He stopped in the forest on the limb of a tree.  He was in the forest, and he looked through the thick branches.  He saw a demon fitting Kuwabara's description perfectly standing in front of a portal.  Katana ready Hiei dashed for him, lashing out, but it was to late the demon had entered the portal and it disappeared.  He growled, flicking the blood off his blade.  He had gotten a strike, but nothing fatal.  Sheathing his blade, Hiei went back to his search.  He wasn't sure that demon was the one Kuwabara was talking about, and he wouldn't risk being it wasn't.

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            Kuwabara was searching hard for this demon, but with nothing to go on he could only trust his senses, and his senses where telling him to go home, so after about two hours of aimless searching he went home breaking to the urge.  Upon entering the door, he felt a ki that shouldn't have been there.  

He rushed into the living room and said in surprise, "Yukina, what are you doing here!!  It's not safe!"  Sitting on the couch drinking a glass of tea was Yukina and Shizuru.  They were completely silent until he burst in.

Yukina looked down, sorry that she had made him upset as she sat her teacup on the coffee table, "I'm sorry, Kazuma, I just needed to see you."  She looked up to him, "To talk to you."  Kuwabara surprise and worry, faded to a different kind of worry.  He was at her side in an instant, which was a bit difficult because Shizuru was there; however, he just bumped her out of the way.

"Yukina, my darling, its okay, I was just worried about you that's all."  Kuwabara replied taking her hands into his.  Shizuru glared at her brother and got up.

"I'm going out for a while.  Now that my brother's here to keep you company."  Shizuru announced as she grabbed Yukina's cup off the table, and carried it as well as her own to the kitchen.  She knew there was something wrong.  She could sense it the very moment Yukina showed up on there doorstep.  Something serious was happening, and the two needed to be alone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Shizuru, I didn't mean to keep you."  Yukina exclaimed as Shizuru walked back into the room getting her jacket.

"It's fine.  I like spending time with you, when my brother isn't drooling all over you."  Shizuru replied with a smile, missing her brother's outrage hey as she stepped out the door.  Yukina took a cleaning breath then called Kuwabara's name to get his attention.

He looked to her and she looked down slightly with a soft blush on her cheeks as she said, "I care about you a lot.  You are very important to me, Kazuma."  Kuwabara grinned as he was lifted to cloud nine.  Her blush clearing she looked back to him, "I have to tell you some things and the only way I know how is to start from the beginning..."  She looked down again, "But I'm afraid to tell you.  I'm afraid that..."  She stopped when a gentle finger under her chin, lifted her face up.

"You never have to be afraid to tell me anything.  I love you, Yukina."  Kuwabara interrupted gently as he stroked some hair soothingly from her face.  Yukina smiled weakly.

"Okay," she took a deep breath then went on, "I don't know how to explain everything to you without starting from the very beginning, so I need you to listen and not say a word until I'm finished okay."

"Anything you want.  I won't say a word."  Kuwabara answered seriously.  He could tell, whatever she wanted to say weighed heavily on her heart.

            She took a breath and started, "Most beings don't remember the beginning of there consciousness, most think that life, that thought only begins after a child is pushed from it's mother's womb, but frankly that's just silly.  A body is given its soul from the very first moments of conception, it only takes a whiled for the mind to develop enough for conscious thought too follow.  I remember though, the beginning of my consciousness, it's a peaceful feeling, not needing, or wanting for anything, to be rapped up in a world of warmth, soft, and darkness, surrounded by the Presence, which provides all nourishment, which protects and enfolds, the peacefulness and safety of my mother's womb.  Even then, even there, in the beginning of my consciousness, I reached out with my new mind to explore the World, and not knowing what to expect I encountered The Other, my twin.  Oh, the fascination of it, the wonder, and the delight to know that there was me and The Other, to know I wasn't alone in this world.

            Truly, it was a wondrous marvel, that within the world, there should be me, and The Other, a being similar-yet-different from myself.  The Other who like me was reaching and equally marveling at what was found.  Here we were similar, there we were different, and the idea that there was such a thing as 'we' at all.  The knowledge that because there was such a thing as 'we,' even though we were different, we were part of the same thing, and therefore not separate fully; not even as separate as the World and God from us.  And so I was glad that The Other was there, and I loved The Other, and The Other loved me.  That was the world The Other and me.  There was nothing else, and we had a link between us.  Through it, we dreamed together, talked together, and loved each other in this place.  Sometimes I didn't know were The Other began and I started.  I don't remember our talks now, only the love I had for The Other and the love The Other had for me.  

            Then the World squeezed tightly about us and The Other was forced out and away from me into a new life outside our mother's womb.  Then I was alone, the World squeezing about me.  I tried to follow The Other into this new place, but I could not.  I was stuck and The Other was gone.  The Other didn't want to leave, but was pushed away leaving me behind.  I fought to follow along and hard, but could barely move.  I reached out to The Other with our link, but ever since he was born I could barely hear The Other call out to me.  The Other was afraid, I needed to be with him, but I couldn't get out.  I feared this new place, this knew world, but where The Other went I would go.  I could feel The Other's sadness, The Other's fear, and I cried to The Other, 'I'm coming don't be afraid.  Were you go I will follow.  We are a part now, but I will come as soon as I can.  We will be together again.'However, The Other didn't answer, I felt more fear from him, and I was sadden.  Harder I fought to follow The Other into the knew world.  It was long, but then there was brightness and cold, in this new place was, and I was born and I cried, because The Other was gone.  I never even got to see my mother.

            In time, I learned that The Other was my brother.  Hina, the woman who raised me was the only one who would dare speak of him to me.  She only told me that The Other was my brother, and that I would never see him again, because he was far away from the Koorime.  I had always had an awareness of my twin, and though as we grew it became weak, I knew when my twin was in distress, when he was hungry beyond my means of description, when he was in great physical pain of one kind or another.  Then sometimes I could sense, I could sense something awful, horrible, mix with pain and sadness that I can only describe with the word violation, him reaching out for love and finding none, none, none anywhere.  Though, I was a happy child, I was sadden by this because I remembered what I had said to him, before I entered the world, 'I'm coming don't be afraid.  Were you go I will follow.  We are a part now, but I will come as soon as I can.  We will be together again.'  But, we weren't together, and the place where he was, was hard, and unkind.  However, I would keep my word, and when I was big enough, and when I was strong enough to leave the island, I would go after him.

            From the time I was able to stand and walk, I started to train myself, for the search.  I learned everything I could.  I noticed at first that nobody wanted to be a round me, but Hina, and that the other little girls would whisper behind my back; however, I didn't care.  All I cared about was getting stronger, stronger so I could find my brother.  Every day that I felt a piece of his sorrow or pain egged me on to train harder, to study harder, to do everything I have to, to get to him.  Though, I loved to play with the animals, I didn't do it often.  I just felt so guilty, how could I live a comfortable life with no pain, and he suffer.  How could I play when my brother was fighting for his very life?  So I trained, I was the youngest Koorime ever at the age of eight that had mastered my ki enough to cause a full blown blizzard with high winds and hail the size of baseballs.  

            After that, everyone on the island liked me better.  By the time, I was eight-teen, I have mastered half the ice-arts my people knew, not many could do a third of what was written in the books of our history, so I had to teach myself.  It took me twenty-five years to teach myself most of the higher ice-arts.  I never forgot my promise, 'I'm coming don't be afraid.'  I told him not to be afraid when he had every reason to be, not to be afraid because I was coming, but what could I do?  How could I help him, if I was weak?  I loved him.  I needed to be able to help him. 'Were you go I will follow.  We are a part now, but I will come as soon as I can.  We will be together again.'  I had to keep my word.  I would do anything to find my brother, anything...so I train.  Hina told me how dangerous the world was outside the island, and that even if I was the strongest Koorime of our time, I still wasn't strong enough.

            So I search the ancient books for the most powerful attack my people had to offer, and I found it.  It was called Spirit of the Ice Dragon.  A very hard technique to master, think the power of Hiei's Dragon Wave at full power, only with a true master of this technique there's far more control, because you summon nothing, but the power within yourself.  I knew if I master this technique, I would be strong enough to start the search for my brother.  I put all my training into learning the Spirit of the Ice Dragon, but still seventy-five years later, I failed.  Everyone told me to give up on it, but I wouldn't.  I discovered several powerful ice attacks in my attempt at the Spirit of the Ice Dragon attack, but I was still missing something.  So I did the only thing I could I went to the ancient records, to see if there were any clues to point me in the right direction.  I was a century old.  

            I remember the day well.  I was looking through the records and stumbled upon the truth of what happen to my family.  They had kept them well hidden from me until that day.  It was on that day that I learn my mother was slain as a traitor for having us and none other than Hina, the woman who loved and raised me, threw my brother, an innocent child, who had done nothing to anyone, from the island.  I was angry, oh, how angry I was when I found out.  It was the first time in my life that I ever felt true rage, true unforgiving anger.  They had, they had, killed my Mother, for having my brother and me.  All this time we had been apart and it was because of them.  All this time the people who had been so kind to me were the root of my deepest sorrow.  It was they who put him into a place that only had pain and death to offer.  They who made him live a life, he ought not to be living, and I did something, something, that shames me to this very day because I don't feel more guilt for what I've done, but you can't change the past.  

            They feared him, because he was a child of fire, they feared him, because they thought he would destroy them, but the one they really should have feared all along..."  She stopped and looked into Kuwabara's eyes.  His eyes were full of compassion and worry.  He'd never heard her speak so solemnly.  She went on, "was me."  She got up in a rush and walked over to a window staring outside.  "In that one, instance of time, in that one moment when I allowed myself to feel true rage and resentment, I killed them all.  Every single one, except Hina, because she was off the island at the time.  It all happened so fast, I was so angry.  I was crying and I wanted them to pay for what they had done.  Why keep me, I was a half-breed as well?  Then I could feel it.  My brother, he was in pain, he was in a lot of pain, and I hated them, and unbidden my energy exploded with my rage.  I had finally learned how to produce the Spirit of the Ice Dragon.  It exploded from my body covering the entire island with an icy flame it killed everything that was alive.  Like Hiei's flames from the Dragon Wave, the cold my Spirit of the Ice Dragon created is all encompassing totally and completely consuming.  Nothing was spared but me, nothing.

            I had cried at least a hundred tear gems, in that time, and as I reached for one, it crumbled into dust at my touch.  Everything crumbled to dust, the building, the books, nothing was untouched, but my person and clothes.  When I went outside and discovered what I'd done, I fell to my knees and wept.  I had never killed before, and I knew if I was to fine my brother in the hard ruthless world of the Makai, I would have to do it to survive so I tried not to think about it.  I learned all the attacks and skills, but never truly thought of what they would be used for.  I loved life, and always believe that everything deserved a right to live, and here I was taking away life.  I know you probably don't want me anymore," Her voice shook as though threatening tears, and Kuwabara sitting in a state of shock up to then had the sudden urge to jump up, to hold her, to tell her everything was fine between them, but he promise he'd be quiet until she was finished, so he would.  

            She kept going, "But I still care for you, and I'm going to be completely truthful with you.  When I cried then, it wasn't because all of the Koorime, but two were dead, women, children, everyone, my tears weren't for them at all, it was the fact that it was I who had done it, I had kill, I had taken somebody else's life away.  I killed, and so I wept.  I wept until my tear gems piled high and I couldn't see, but then I realized something I had actually use the Spirit of the Ice Dragon, so I dried my tears and destroy the gems.  My energy was too drained to use it again, but by the time Hina had return from her journey a week later, I believed I had mastered it enough to leave, so after I told her what happen I did.

            I've been through a lot, searching for my brother, and I've met many creatures in my long journey across the Makai, but the gods seemed to smiled down on me for as skilled as I thought I was a powerful demon named Ammon managed to catch me.  I was young, I use too much energy in the battle, and he was very old and skilled.  He took me back to his fortress, and warded me before I could regain my strength.  He had planned to use me for a pleasure slave, but luckily for me a female called Halima had a score to settle with him.  When she found me there, she took me into her care.  She had said it was far to long since she'd found an innocent soul.  I told her I wasn't innocent, and she only smile, and told me her sense never lied.  Halima is a great warrior and very wise.  When I told her of my search for my brother, she offered to train me, so that I wouldn't be captured again.  Up to then, I had never had training from a master, so I said yes.

            My capture by Ammom proved to me, my skills weren't great enough, so I stayed with her and train for two hundred years.  She was more of a friend to me than a master, and I truly love her.  She taught me more than just how to fight and truly save my soul.  She taught me how to guard my spirit from, being jaded by all the cruelty in the Makai.  She always told me never to lose my innocent heart.  Halima also taught me how to be a healer.  I remember the first time I used it.  It was a wonderful feeling, and I knew then I wanted to be a healer.  I had always known.  From the time, I was six years old and I helped a wounded rabbit, but the healing arts wouldn't help me survive long enough to fine my brother.  I needed to know how to fight, so though, it pained me I went back to learning more useful skills.

            When I learned all I could, I bid Halima a farewell and left to start my search again.  I traveled across the hole of the Makai searching for him, but still I couldn't fine him.  I'd heard rumors about the Forbidden Child of the Koorime, but nothing more, or I get to a city just to learn he had just left.  I was greatly saddened and depressed I knew I had to do something drastic to find him.  That's when I heard about a seer named Nayati.  It was said his predictions where never wrong, so that night in my camp I cried five tear gems.  I was going to trade them to the seer for my fortune, but when I got to Nayati, he wouldn't accept them, because I was a Koorime, and tears came too easily for me.  I was distressed, but he told me not to fret, to let him read my fortune then he would come up with a suitable price, so I did as he asked.  So he used his magic and saw my fortune and with a wicked laugh, he smiled.  He told me he found the perfect price for me to pay.

            He knew of my search for my brother without me telling him, and he told me I would never find him.  I was distressed and on the verge of tears, but then he kept on, 'You will never find him, my dear, but if you are captured and your life in peril, not only will he find you, but your true love as well.'  Then he trapped the majority of my spirit energy within my body, until I found my brother as his payment, only once I found my brother would my strength be return.  He thought it was a fitting price though I had no clue what he could gain from this.  I made it back to the home of my old friend Halima.  I had heard that my brother had escaped to the Human World, and Halima had ties there.  I told her of my fortune and what I had paid, so she helped me find the perfect villain to capture me, one who wouldn't kill me or rape me.  

            She found Tarukane.  He was a greedy human who would want me for my tear gems.  I agreed he was the one.  The five tear gems I cried for the seer I had destroyed by Halima who did it gladly.  Then she opened a portal to the Human World for me and I went through.  It was easy to get myself captured by Tarukana's men.  I knew what he would do to me if I didn't cry for him, but wouldn't.  All the pain and suffering my brother had to go through in his life was more than I could imagine.  It was the least I could do, to take this pain.  I deserved it.  I should have been thrown from the island with him, but they kept me, sparing me, the pain, and sadness, the loneliness and despair my brother felt.  I deserved it.  I would take all the pain, Tarukana had to offer, as long as it brought my brother to me.  

            However, months went by with nothing, but pain.  I had begun to lose faith, and thought perhaps Nayati had tricked me, and was watching my torture to his delight on his crystal ball, so when a kind man who worked for Tarukana offered to help me escape, I went.  He was killed before me, and my heart broke for him.  I hate killing.  It's the only thing in this world I can truly say I hate, Kazuma, the taking of life, though I know it is necessary at times, and this man's death was my fault.  If I hadn't have been a coward and held firm to what I started out in, that man would still be a live, but he is dead because of me.  

            In all the time, I was captured, I wasn't truly afraid, because it was my choice.  I chose to be captured.  I chose to allow myself to be put in this situation, but when the Toguro brothers showed up, I was afraid truly, afraid, my energy bound inside me, and the two strongest demons in the Human World were now standing before me.  I knew they could do far worse things to me than Tarukana and his men could ever dream of.  At that moment, I thought about killing myself to save myself from the pain, but then I thought about my brother, about how much he suffered in his life, but still lived through it.  I would not be a coward.  I would live.  I would suffer through the pain and he would come for me someday, but then...then," She had stayed facing the window until that point, but then she turned to him, unshed tears filling her eyes, and smiled, a true smile that looked odd with tear filled eyes.  

            Kuwabara had been watching her back quietly as she told her story.  Her soul was pouring out to him so truly and intensely that he even got some images from her like the time they first met in Tarukana's fortress.  Silent tears wet his face as he cried for her suffering and he thought, _She's__ in so much pain.  She went on, "Then you came.  You came to save me.  I was scare they would kill you too, so I told you to run away, but you didn't listen and you with Yusuke fought the Toguros.  You defeated them and I was so glad.  Then he came, Tarukana was rushing me away once he saw the Toguros defeated and taking me with him, but then my brother came, my brother save me just like the seer said.  Hiei came for me, my brother, Hiei."  She knew from the slight enlargement of Kuwabara's eyes he hadn't known Hiei was her brother.  She thought as much, but she was sure now.  She was glad he hadn't tried to mislead her as she first thought.  _

            She silently noted that as she continued, "I knew him as my brother instantly, at my very first sight of him.  How could I not with our spirit link?  The bond we had shared for so long sang a song of triumph, strengthening the closer he got to me, and I wanted nothing more than to run to him, to throw my arms around him, to scream out my joy and love into his ears.  But I didn't, I couldn't, I'd dreamed of this for so long, for so very long, and now that it was upon me, I was near-paralyzed with shyness.  He was all I had ever dreamed and more.  Strong, yes, he was very strong as strong as any sibling of mines could be and skilled in the art of combat, powerful and stubborn and now a Jaganshi, my brother, my brother that was my brother standing before me.  He was good looking and intelligent, and clever, and protective of me, I could go on.  He was everything I wanted in a brother, and so I followed his lead, as he made no mention of our relationship.  It hurt me, after all that I went through to find him and he said nothing, and, I knew, I knew he knew who I was.  I was sadden, but you were hurt, so I went to help you with the little I knew about healing.  

            I was so upset about it that all I wanted to do was go back to the ice lands.  All the way there, I kept hoping he might say something, but he didn't.  I sulked there in the snowdrifts for a long time.  I began to work more on my healing arts and then I thought about what happen some more.  I thought to myself that perhaps he wished to have our first reunion in private, were you and the others wouldn't see.  He wouldn't wish to be overmastered by feelings, particularly not before an audience, so that was it that was why he didn't say anything.  So when I heard of the Urameshi team fighting in the Dark Tournament, I went in search of him.

            This time I mentioned my search for my brother directly to him.  I had to say something or surely, I would have exploded and he... he offered to go search for him!  I thought I had deciphered that.  I thought he would go off somewhere, and compose himself.  Surely, he must have looked forward to this reunion as long as I had.  Then, when he had regained his control, which would be iron, I am sure, he would come to me.  

I would say, my eyes dancing, 'Have you... found my brother?'

And he would say, 'Yes, I have.'  He would pause for a moment, and we would both smile, sharing our secret, and then perhaps he would say, 'Here I am.'  Or perhaps he wouldn't feel a need to; after all, we both knew it, and then we would have our reunion.  That's what I thought, then another thought came to my mind that had been completely over looked, the seer had said, 'if you are captured and your life in peril, not only will he find you, but your true love as well.'  My true love and I knew then who he was...he was you, and I was happy.  I had found my brother and my true love."  She had said that with a smile, but then she let out a tiny whimper, a tear gem hitting the floor.  Kuwabara just couldn't sit still for that and hopped off the couch pulling her into a hug.  She quieted her cry, and leaned into the embrace.

            Then she went on her voice slightly muffled on Kuwabara's chest, "But that wasn't how it happened at all.  I asked him and he said no, he did not, every time he comes to visit.  He apologizes.  If I did not know that we share a link between our spirits... I would think that he somehow did not know me to be his sister.  But even though I receive impressions of him far better than he does of me his skill lies in transmitting what he feels, closed off as it might be from everyone else it cannot be that dead to him, especially, not with the Jagan he acquired from somewhere, so that leaves only one conclusion."  She paused for along moment, so long in fact that Kuwabara thought she might not go on, but then she spoke, "It's me.  He thinks I'm not good enough for him.  I don't blame him, though; I know how weak I seem.  I know he loves me.  I can sense that through our link, but he loves me because I was the only thing he could bear to love, and he needs to...must love something.  Even though now he has other people about him, other targets he can shower love upon if he chooses, one cannot simply stop loving somebody.  It takes along time to fade, and he is so accustomed to loving me that it's hard.

            He is... as I said, intelligent, strong, skilled, and powerful.  He's a wizard with a sword, and mastered the use of a Jagan that was not even his to begin with.  He tamed the Dragon Wave, which nobody has managed to use successfully in...maybe a millennium, I'm not sure, it has been a very long time, out of pure stubbornness or even pig-headedness, he wouldn't give in, so eventually it had to.  Demons go out of their way in order to avoid places where he's 'likely' to be.  He knew nothing of the battles I fought, the beings I had to kill just to survive long enough to find him, my trials, my victories, and what I've been through, only the weakness he found me in at Tarukana's fortress, only the mercy I had for the man who tortured me.  He must have found my compassion terribly weak, and as far as he knows, I have some small healing talent of which I'm most proud and nothing more.  He accomplished so much and compared to him with the little he knows of me, I am nothing.  No wonder he's ashamed of having such a sister.

            I cry myself to sleep, because of that, proving once more my weakness, and when I wake, I destroy the tear gems."  She hugged Kuwabara tightly, "I love you, Kazuma, you are my only true happiness, but I'm afraid you won't love me anymore now that you know what I really am, a warrior who hates the fight and would rather be a healer, a murderer of the guilty and the innocent, a woman who virtually wiped out her in tire race.  I think maybe if my brother knew, he would love me enough to acknowledge me, but then when he learned the truth...  What kind of warrior hates the fight?"  She stopped and pulled away from Kuwabara.  Keeping her eyes to the floor she turned away from him and whispered, "I'll understand, if you don't want me anymore, Kazuma, my heart maybe pure, but my hands are bloody."

            Kuwabara was stunned.  His sweet innocent Yukina wasn't as helpless as he thought, but she was still his Yukina.  He could feel her pain.  Didn't she know, didn't she feel it, they were link too, and when she was highly emotional or stressed he knew it.  He always knew there was a sadness she carried for her brother and something else.  He just didn't know what the something else was until today.  He felt dumb that he hadn't thought about it before.  How in the world did he think she survived in the Makai searching for her brother if she couldn't fight at all?  He could tell and feel it in his soul that every time she was forced to kill someone it scarred a piece of her soul, a pain that's never truly left her.  _Yukina should have never had to kill, not her, killing is against her very nature.  She's a healer to the core, and to be forced to kill to survive was killing her as well.  She remembers them all, every single person she killed, every single one.  _Kuwabara had seen flashes of faces across his mind when she called herself a murderer.  _There were so many.  __That's what she meant; she would do anything to find her brother even go against her own nature, anything to survive long enough to see him again.  Why?  Why would she think I'd abandon her now?  He thought as he embraced her from behind._

"I will always want you, Yukina.  I new from the first moment I saw you that I loved you, nothings going to change that, nothing.  Let what's in the past stay there.  I'll always do my very best to protect you, to make sure you'll never have to kill again."  He whispered into her hair and turned her around she was fighting back tears.  

"But the Koorime...not all of them, not...not...not all of them were guilty...your code of honor...I..."  Yukina started to argue, but he gently quieted her.

"Let what's in the past stay there."  He replied with a gentle smile, stroking her face with the back of his hand.  Then she did something that took him completely off guard, she throw her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss.  It was soft, gentle, and it stole both there breath away.  She pulled back and there was a tiny clink as another tear gem hit the floor.

"You don't know how happy I am that you still love me.  I need you to promise me you'll never tell anyone, I know Hiei is my brother.  I don't want Hiei to acknowledge me because someone else told him I knew.  Promise me, you'll never tell anyone.  It may not matter after today, but I need you to promise."  Yukina exclaimed seriously.

"You have my word.  I won't tell anyone.  Now what do you mean it may not matter after today?  What's happening today?"  Kuwabara asked seeing her face solemn again like it was in the beginning of this speech.  Something else was wrong and he had a feeling he wasn't going to like it either.

"Come sit with me."  She said as she walked over to the couch and sat down.  He sat and she went on, "The demon that attacked me this morning.  I knew him.  He's someone from my past.  He wanted me to do him a favor, one that involves my battle skills.  I refused and he got angry because I owed him."  She looked down with a sigh, "He was right to be angry with me.  I have a debt to repay him," she looked back up to him, "so I'm going to do him this favor."

"Yukina, you don't..."  Kuwabara started to tell her she didn't have to, that whatever it was he'd do it, he'd help her, he'd get Yusuke and the others to help her, that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to, but she held up a hand and shook it side to side to silence him.

            She continued, "I have to Kazuma.  He saved my life once, and I owe him.  I told him that if he ever needed help he could come to me, so long as it didn't involve the killing of the innocent and he didn't try to put me against my brother.  I gave my word, and even though I don't want to, I have to live up to it.  I know you would fight in my place, I know you would do this for me, but I can't let you.  This demon, he wishes me to fight.  He is a very powerful fire demon.  If you die, it would be my fault, and I couldn't live with that, I just couldn't."  Kuwabara tried to speak again, but she put a hand to his mouth silencing him once more, "I wouldn't let you risk your life, when this situation is my fault entirely.  When I found you, Hiei, and the others, I thought my fighting days were over.  My boyfriend and his friends are all Spirit Detectives, and I had a safe place to call home, I thought I could work on my healing arts to help you and the others since I didn't fight at your side, but then Kalman showed up.  I won't have you die for me."  She released him and stood, "I'm going back to the Makai today and I may never live to come back.  Forgive me, Kazuma, I love you."  

            With that said before Kuwabara could ask what she was sorry for, she punched him in the face knocking him out cold.  She laid his legs comfortably on the couch and then picked up her two tear gems from the floor.  The one she cried when she was happy that Kuwabara still accepted her she placed in his palm then closed it into a fist.  The second one she crushed in her palm with a flash of ki, and then she hid her life signature from everyone, even her brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

            Hiei, Yusuke, and Kurama where all at Yusuke's house.  They had been waiting for Kuwabara but started there meeting without him.

"Well, Koenma doesn't have a file on this guy.  Did either of you guys find him?"  Kurama asked calmly.

"No, I got nothin'."  Yusuke answered and they both looked to Hiei.

"I found a demon that matched block head's description, but he escaped through a portal...."  Hiei started to say more, but then he suddenly jumped to his feet.  Yukina's life signature disappeared.


End file.
